Nothing To Fear

Posted by on Sep 3, 2012 in Blog, Home Is Where The Story Starts, Uncategorized | 2 comments

I heard this weekend that 40% of our personalities are due to “our raising.” I find that interesting. I don’t know how on earth they came up with those figures but I can tell you that I believe with all my heart that events in our childhood do change us.

For instance, I know that having my Mommy go to heaven when I was 10 changed who I was forever. How can it not? I have long believed that my fear of sudden bad change relates directly to the fact that my mother got up to go fix supper, and in the doorway between the dining room and kitchen, went to heaven instead. Trauma. It changes us.

 

However, I see in my nieces and nephews—some very much like their Aunt Miriam the same dislike for conflict, the same fear of bad change. I see it when we watch movies or when they hear a story. I don’t believe it is more than the norm, but there must be some of that in the 60% of their genetic makeup. Of course I hope that they get through childhood without anything happening to accentuate that tendency.

 

Or do I?

 

I know that I struggle as a Christian with trusting God. I got a new coffee mug this weekend and it says TRUST on it! I am managerial (aka bossy) and I like to be in control. I don’t want to let go because what if the worst-case scenario happens. I think maybe, just maybe I can help God. If I admit it what I am really saying in my heart of hearts is. . . I think I can do a better job than God! Well.

 

Hell-OOOOO Miriam.

 

This summer God put a situation in my life I had never even thought to fear. It was so far beyond the realm of what I dreamed up that it hit me like a train out of nowhere. I can’t fix it. Only God can.

 

I am helpless in myself. I have no answers other than those that come from God. But you know what? God has been pouring HIS help from heaven like He’s taken the fire hydrant, aimed the nozzle at me and my family and opened it up full-blast. He has shown me that HE has the power, HE has the mercy, HE has the love, HE has the justice, HE has the knowledge. I am the vessel, nothing more, nothing less. HE’S GOT IT!

 

So, this weekend I went to the Christian Communicators Conference. I thought I was there to learn how to be more professional in my speaking opportunities. HA!

 

Oh, that was part of it. I learned A LOT. I lived through—and even enjoyed—the five minute taping of my presentation. But what God really did was in my heart. He showed me through listening to other amazing stories of the power of God on the lives of these 31 women that He Has IT! He showed me that if I keep my focus on Him I can overcome any barrier Satan would like to put in my path.

 

And then I thought He was done.

 

On the last morning we took a photo. As I sat on a staircase surrounded by my new friends God spoke to me. He reminded me of all of the things He has done the past few months. He reminded me of the verses He gave me just at the moment I needed them. He reminded me of the breakthrough I had experienced the night before. He reminded me that He has IT.

 

As I stood up this new thought flew through my brain. I have no reason to be afraid. None.

 

It was such a simple moment. No tears. No drama. No thunder or lightening. Just the still small voice of God turning the key of change in my heart.

 

This morning as I woke up I prayed. Lord, this day is yours. Do with it what you want.

 

Oh, I’ve prayed that before but it is always followed by moments of terror over what HE will do to me since I’ve been so foolish as to ask HIM to control my day. Today, it was followed by peace.

 

And that’s when I knew that God had done something to that 40% of my personality. Oh, I’m sure the 60% hereditary inclination to managerialness will still jump up to try and grab back control. But I have something now I didn’t. I have confidence in the safety of trusting the God who “has it”!

 

So for my nieces and nephews—I can’t bring myself to pray that their lives will be pain free. But, I will pray that their hearts will be tender to face each trial knowing that God HAS IT—and them firmly in His Grip!

2 Comments

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  1. LaTan Murphy

    What an amazing and inspirational blog. Thank you so much! It challenged my heart in amazing ways! I am so happy to be your new friend! Be blessed in all things! LaTan Roland Murphy

  2. playfulmeanderings

    Trust and faith — part of the same family. Thank you for this great post!